The Stages of Relapse!

I spoke Tuesday at The Team Challenge about PAWS, Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. It was a powerful subject as we recognized that permanent change takes time...more time than it takes to lose weight. The emotional and psychological work of recovery of any destructive behavior takes time. I challenged our clients to do the very important work of self-care and rewards to change the way they think about their relationship with food and also to prevent relapse in the future.

Relapse...a scary word in all of recovery.

Relapse is a process, it's not an event. In order to understand relapse prevention you have to understand the stages of relapse. Relapse starts weeks or even months before the event of physical relapse. There are three stages of relapse.

1. Emotional relapse
2. Mental relapse
3. Physical relapse

Emotional Relapse

In emotional relapse, you're not thinking about overeating. But your emotions and behaviors are setting you up for a possible relapse in the future.

The signs of emotional relapse are:

* Anxiety
* Intolerance
* Anger
* Defensiveness
* Mood swings
* Isolation
* Not asking for help
* Poor sleep habits

The signs of emotional relapse are also the symptoms of post-acute withdrawal. If you understand post-acute withdrawal it's easier to avoid relapse, because the early stage of relapse is easiest to pull back from. In the later stages the pull of relapse gets stronger and the sequence of events moves faster.

Relapse prevention at this stage means recognizing that you're in emotional relapse and changing your behavior. Recognize that you're isolating and remind yourself to ask for help. Recognize that you're anxious and practice relaxation techniques. Recognize that your sleep and eating habits are slipping and practice self-care.

If you don't change your behavior at this stage and you live too long in the stage of emotional relapse you'll become exhausted, and when you're exhausted you will want to escape, which will move you into mental relapse.

Practice self-care. The most important thing you can do to prevent relapse at this stage is take better care of yourself. Think about why you overeat. You use food or alcohol to escape, relax, or reward yourself. Therefore you relapse when you don't take care of yourself and create situations that are mentally and emotionally draining that make you want to escape.

For example, if you don't take care of yourself and eat poorly or have poor sleep habits, you'll feel exhausted and want to escape. If you don't let go of your resentments and fears through some form of relaxation, they will build to the point where you'll feel uncomfortable in your own skin. If you don't ask for help, you'll feel isolated. But if you practice self-care, you can avoid those feelings from growing and avoid relapse.

Mental Relapse

In mental relapse there's a war going on in your mind. Part of you wants to overeat and go back to old habits, but part of you doesn't. In the early phase of mental relapse you're just idly thinking about it. But in the later phase you're definitely thinking about using...your drug of choice.

The signs of mental relapse are:

* Thinking about people, places, and things you "used" with
* Glamorizing your past life style
* Fantasizing about using
* Thinking about relapsing
* Planning your relapse around other people's schedules

It gets harder to make the right choices as the pull of addiction gets stronger.

It's important to use tools at this time to stop the mental relapse. Play the tape through. When you think about overeating, the fantasy is that you'll be able to control your self and get back on track this time. You'll just eat poorly one day, one week. But play the tape through. One bad day usually leads to another. You'll wake up the next day feeling disappointed in yourself. You may not be able to stop the next day, and you'll get caught in the same vicious cycle. When you play that tape through to its logical conclusion, over eating doesn't seem so appealing. Remind yourself of the negative consequences you've already suffered, and the potential consequences that lie around the corner if you relapse again.

Call a friend, a support, or someone on the same journey. Share with them what you're going through. The magic of sharing is that the minute you start to talk about what you're thinking and feeling, your urges begin to disappear. They don't seem quite as big and you don't feel as alone.

Distract yourself. When you think about eating, do something to occupy yourself. Call a friend. Get up and go for a walk. If you just sit there with your urge and don't do anything, you're giving your mental relapse room to grow.

Wait for 30 minutes. Most urges usually last for less than 15 to 30 minutes. When you're in an urge, it feels like an eternity. But if you can keep yourself busy and do the things you're supposed to do, it'll quickly be gone.

Do your recovery one day at a time. Don't think about whether you can stay "on program" forever. That's a paralyzing thought. It's overwhelming even for people who've been healthy and at goal weight for a long time.

One day at a time, means you should match your goals to your emotional strength. When you feel strong and you're motivated to eat healthy, then tell yourself that you won't eat poorly for the next week or the next month. But when you're struggling and having lots of urges, tell yourself that you'll eat well today or for the next 30 minutes. Do your recovery in bite-sized chunks and don't sabotage yourself by thinking too far ahead.

Make relaxation part of your recovery. Relaxation is an important part of relapse prevention, because when you're tense you tend to do what’s familiar and wrong, instead of what's new and right. When you're tense you tend to repeat the same mistakes you made before. When you're relaxed you are more open to change.

Physical Relapse

Once you start thinking about relapse, if you don't use some of the techniques mentioned above, it doesn't take long to go from there to physical relapse.

It's hard to stop the process of relapse at that point. That's not where you should focus your efforts in recovery. That's achieving abstinence through brute force. But it is not recovery. If you recognize the early warning signs of relapse, and understand the symptoms of post-acute withdrawal, you'll be able to catch yourself before it's too late.

Beliefs=Thoughts=Feelings=Actions...it always come down to this! Work the program and you will keep your weight off for life!

Always encouraging you,
Letha

Pursuit is an Action Word!

We've spent the last few weeks talking about a very serious subject...HAPPINESS! I believe that everyones "pursuit of happiness" looks different. I've shared the things that have brought more happiness to my life the last few weeks. Today I'll give you my final point.

Here's a review of the previous 6.

1. Commit your life to the purpose of glorify God.

2. Get rid of grudges daily.

3. Spend time nearly every day getting more intimate with your mate and children. Parents, brothers, sisters and other close relatives should also have high priority. Do all you can to solve family conflicts.

4. Be involved in a daily routine (including work, play, housework, projects) that brings you personal satisfaction. Be convinced that this routine is God's will and purpose for your life ~ your way of glorify Him.

5. Do something nice for one special person each week. This kind deed can be physical (helping with a chore) emotional (buying a book or giving counsel) or spiritual (having devotions/praying together.)

6. Spend some time each week having fellowship and fun with at least one or two like minded friends of the same sex. If you are married, have fun with other married couples. In this way husband and wives can benefit from intimacy with others.

So, how are you doing? Are you pursuing happiness? Pursuing is a verb, and action word. I'm convinced that happiness is a choice and we ALL have the ability to have more of it. When I first studied this subject, I was dead set on finding more happiness. After 6 months of WORKING this list, I looked back and realized a couple of things. 1. I was happier and 2. I had become a person that lived out this list without much thought. It was just who I was...and to this day, it is still who I am.

Here's number 7.

Spend some time each day meditating on God's Word and applying it in your life.

The mind is a powerful thing. It is the control center of our entire being. Therefore...it is a must to continually transform our minds. Our thoughts dictate our feelings which dictate our actions...so renewing your mind is a must. 
Applying God's Word in your life sounds kind of scary. Here's an example of what that looks like in my life.
As a business owner I face many challenges. The economy struggles and fear sets in. I have carried a burden for over 20 years owning my own business and fear could consume me if I let it. So here's what applying the word looks like for me.
I open to Psalm 121. I personalize it when I read. Here's what it says to me.


"I lift up my eyes to the hills, for where does my help some from? My help comes from the Lord, the         maker of heaven and earth. He will not let my foot slip. He who watches over me will not slumber, He will watch over my life. The Lord will watch over my coming and my going both now and forever more."


Well, there you go! If you believe that, which I do, then how do you think I go about my day? With confidence, energized, lacking fear, and purposed to glorify God with every interaction.
Whether you feel comfortable reading out of the Bible, or maybe it's a little devotional book, or other daily meditation that has a good word for the day, a few minutes in the morning to focus on something bigger than you will put life into great perspective and give you a much broader direction for your day.


Years ago, when I was on a hot pursuit, I typed these seven points down on a little piece of paper and kept them in clear view at all times. I referred back to that list many times a day at first, until I was automatically doing the things that "promised" me more happiness!
I can tell you that it worked. After months of work, I was in a different place emotionally and spiritually.

I encourage you to use the list I gave you, or refine it to fit your life, but make sure that you are taking action, in a healthy way, to pursue happiness. I'd love to hear about your happiness projects in the months to come. If you are , like I was, desperate to become happier, work hard and just see what you find. I know you won't be disappointed.

Write me at  Letha@healthyweigh.com  let me know how your happiness project is going.

Always encouraging you,
Letha

Flat Tires and Happiness!

I read a story about a man that was driving one night to deliver a speech. He got a flat tire. With not enough time to call for a tow truck, he tried to change the tire on his own.  He missed the important speech, disappointed an audience, lost money and had a miserable evening. The next day when he spoke to his friend,  he wasn't particularly unhappy about all of this. "I am convinced that each of us has a flat-tire quota," he told his friend, "and I had never had a flat tire before."

Many people would have been considerably more unhappy than him in that situation. Why wasn't he more unhappy? Because he had a philosophy of life that provided him with perspective. We determine how much we will allow something to make us unhappy. That we can determine our emotional response to events is hard for many people to acknowledge. Most people think that events make them unhappy, that their happiness level is dictated by what happens to them, but this is untrue.

In my studies of happiness, one of the most significant conclusions I have drawn is that there is little correlation between the circumstances of people's lives and how happy they are. We all know people who have a relatively easy life and who are unhappy, and we know people who have suffered a great deal but maintenance a high level of happiness.

One reason for this is the emotional and psychological disposition with which people are born or that they develop early in life. But innate disposition is not the only explanation for their differing reactions to life. At least as often it is a person's attitude and philosophy of life that determines his or her level of happiness.

We are going to look at two more habits or rituals to add to our lives that put us in a posture to experience more happiness.

5. Do something nice for one special person each week. This kind deed can be physical (helping with a chore) emotional, (buying a book or giving counsel) or spiritual (having devotions/praying together.)

This is a big one...but no more important than the rest of the list. It's amazing what happens when you get your eyes off yourself for a time each week. We have never had a time in our history where people need more encouragement and help. Offer some up. See what a difference it makes in your life. We feel connected when we focus on others, when we encourage or support them. Even listening...really listening to someone will not only help them, but can really put our lives into perspective as well. Zig Zigler said," If you help enough people get what they want...you'll get what you want." In this case...happiness.


6. Spend some time each week having fellowship and fun with at least one or two like minded friends of the same sex. If you are married, have fun with other married couples. In this way, husbands and wives can benefit from intimacy with others.

This one sounds a little funny...of the same sex...but it is true. It is important that our relationships with the opposite sex are reserved, if married, for our spouse, and if not, for a future promise of one. Relationships with the same sex meets a need that we can't get met in other ways.  Men need to connect in recreational/outdoors/sports with other guys. Women need emotional connections and conversation with other women. We are born for relationships.


We have looked at 6 of the 7 habits of a person who knows that happiness is a choice and happiness takes work. Keep referring back to the list. Keep asking yourself, how many of these am I participating in? I will promise you that by actively pursing happiness you will have a shift in your thinking and your philosophy of life.

Here's to a flat-tire quota!

Always encouraging you,
Letha

Do What You Love ~ And Love What You Do!

We've spent the last couple of weeks looking at happiness! Happiness is a serious matter. When you ask people about their most cherished values in life, "happiness" is always at the top of the list. However, unhappiness does not seem to be the exception today, it's practically the rule. Why? Because human nature is insatiable. In order to be happy, we first have to battle ourselves.

We are taking a look at 7 "steps" to take to find more happiness in your life. Last week we looked at two:
1. Commit your life to the purpose of Glorifying God
2. Get rid of grudges daily

Today, we will take a look at two more.

3. Spend a little time nearly every day getting more intimate with your mate and children. Parents, brothers, sisters, and other close relatives should also have high priority. Do all you can to solved family conflicts.
Our deepest need is for relationship, for love and connection with others. When we are not connected to people we turn to other things to fill the void. All addictions, food included, are about us filling the empty places that are meant to be filled by love.  Making the nurturing of relationships with the people we love the highest priority, feeds our souls, fills our love tanks and allows us to give to others out of our fullness verses our emptiness.   Although is may take time and work to develop better skills, there is peace and intimacy in communicating and resolving conflict instead of walking on eggshells, putting up walls and feeling disconnected from those we love.


4. Be involved in a daily routine (including work, play, housework, projects) that bring you personal satisfaction. Be convinced that this routines is God's will and purpose for your life. ~ your way of glorifying Him.
Love what you do and do what you love...whether it's a project at work, riding horses or cleaning your house.  Do it with all you've got. Be convinced that God cares about the effort you put into making your home beautiful or what ever project you're working on. I've always been inspired by this verse. Colossians 3:23  Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for man. WHATEVER you do. I get excited about that. Whether it's pulling weeds, scrubbing a toilet, or writing a motivational speech to help others...I do it as if I'm doing it for God. 
It's also very important that we figure out our strengths and focus on those things, while surrounding ourselves with others that can balance us out in our weaknesses. If we don't love what we do, we will be drained/emptied and have nothing left to give anyone else. It's about being convinced that we were created differently and when we are doing what we love, we can be sure that our routine is God's will and purpose for our lives.


We've looked at 4 of the 7 ways to find more happiness in your life. Notice that all of them are things that you have control of. Happiness is not something that you wait for. Happiness is something you go out and get.
Until next week...choose happiness

Always encouraging you,
Letha

Happiness Is A Choice

I talked last week about happiness being a serious problem. When you start to take a closer look at happiness, you realize that unhappiness is easy and happiness takes work! The notion the happiness must be worked at comes as news to a lot of people. Most people assume that happiness is a feeling and that this feeling comes as a result of good things happening to us.  (We therefore have little control over how happy we are, the thinking goes, because we cannot control how we feel or what happens to us) NOT!!!


That is a false statement. Happiness is largely, not entirely, determined by us through hard work and wisdom. Every worthwhile thing in life is attained through hard work. Happiness is not an exception.  Happiness is a battled to be waged, not a feeling to be awaited.

I have fought this battle.  I've read books, processed pain, dealt with my "issues" and came to a clear understanding that I had GREAT personal responsibility regarding my own happiness. Years ago as I was working on my happiness level, I came across a book, "Happiness is a Choice." The Author  suggested to me all those years ago, that happiness was truly my choice. That if I was unhappy, I was choosing it.
He suggested 7 things to do, to choose happiness. The book went on to say that if I were to do these 7 things consistently for 3 to 6 months, I would surely find that I was experiencing more happiness than I was currently feeling.

It wasn't enough at that time for me to read that book and think a few new thoughts...I was determined to turn my sorrow into joy, my unhappiness into happiness. So here's what I did. I took the 7 steps in that little book, read about them, sought to understand them and then typed them (yes, I said typed) up on a little piece of paper to put on my desk at work. If you've experienced times of unhappiness, you know like me, that you can't old on to good thoughts for long periods of time. Our negative thought life beats us up constantly. Your thought life directly influences your feelings, so it was important to me, to be faced with these 7 steps all day long.

I am going to address 2 of those seven steps today...
This is what I typed:

Happiness Is a Choice!

Choose each day to do these things and look back in 3 to 6 months and see if you just haven't found the road back to happiness.

1. Commit your life to the purpose of glorifying God.
Where ever you are today in your faith journey, I want to encourage you to look at this first step, even if you need to say, "God as I understand Him." To submit to a higher power is a life altering way to live. This was not a difficult step for me. Glorifying God sounds like a pretty overwhelming task but the way I see it, to glorify God, is to surrender to His power over your life and gladly receive it.  I began to see each day as a gift, because if my purpose was to glorify God with my life, then I must have something important to do each day.

2. Get rid of grudges daily.
Unforgiveness, bitterness and grudges, robs you of more joy than anything else in your life. Forgiveness is a MUST to experience happiness. It has been said that that unforgiveness is the # 1 greatest determinant of our mental health. Unforgiveness breeds resentment, bitterness and judgment. Walls go up, not with those that we are angry with, but everyone around us. Unforgiveness gets generalized and spreads throughout all our relationships; it doesn't just affect one or some. Make it a practice to keep short accounts. Verbalize "I am a forgiving person."  Each day go back though your day and let go of what every is necessary.


Those are two of the very important 7 steps that I took to find my way back to happiness. Ponder these two steps this week as we continue to be on the pursuit of happiness. Next week, we will look at two more.

Always encouraging you,
Letha

Happiness is a Serious Problem

"... that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."


"Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness" is a well-known phrase in the United States Declaration of Independence and considered by some as part of one of the most well crafted, influential sentences in the history of the English language.

I've studied "happiness" and I too have found it to be a serious matter.
I believe that happiness is a moral obligation.

Ask a child what it is like to grow up with an unhappy parent. Ask a wife how easy it is to be married to an unhappy husband. Interview a co-worker that spends 40 hours a week around an unhappy colleague. Pursuing happiness makes a difference not only in your own life, but in the lives of the people around you. We owe it to our husbands, wives, children, friends, to be as happy as we can be. This does not mean acting fake or refraining from honest and intimate expressions of our feelings to those closest to us. But it does mean that we owe it to others to work on our own happiness.

There is another reason why happiness is a moral obligation. In general, people act more decently when they are happy. Do you feel more positively disposed toward other people and do you want to treat other people better when you are happy or unhappy?

In some cases with some people, happiness just seems to "happen", but I've discovered that happiness truly is a choice.
I've been through seasons in my life that happiness seemed to come easier. I've also had times of laboring to pursue happiness. I see now that those times of labor taught me the most about happiness.

Unhappiness is easy, but happiness takes work! It takes no courage, effort, or greatness to be unhappy. Anyone can be unhappy. Happiness is a battle to be waged and not a feeling to be awaited.

The notion that happiness must be worked at comes as news to many people. They assume that happiness is a feeling and that this feeling comes as a result of good things happening to them. We therefore have little control over how happy we are, the thinking goes, because we can't control what happens to us. I believe that happiness is largely determined by us!

Since happiness is such a serious problem, I'll spend the next few weeks writing about it. For this week ask yourself the question, "Do I have a moral obligation to the people in my life, to pursue happiness?" If your answer is yes...come back next week and we'll pursue it together.


hap·py
adj. hap·pi·er, hap·pi·est
1. Characterized by good luck; fortunate.
2. Enjoying, showing, or marked by pleasure, satisfaction, or joy.
3. Being especially well-adapted; felicitous: a happy turn of phrase.
4. Cheerful; willing: happy to help.

Always encouraging you,
Letha

June 19th...What Do You Want?

This Tuesday we will have our first weigh-in for our ten week "CAMP OUT" Team Challenge! I can't help this morning but to look ahead to June 19th, the finale of this challenge and think about that day! History WILL repeat itself so I know what June will hold for the participants of the Spring Team Challenge 2012. I can hardly keep my feet on the ground thinking about it.

Tuesday, April 17th, over 80 teams will walk into The Healthy Weigh feeling nervous but excited! They will weigh in and record their official weight for the beginning of this 10 week challenge. For some clients that will be difficult as they face the scale. Many will be as heavy as they've ever been. Others have been on the journey with The Healthy Weigh for a while and will be seeing weights they haven't seen in YEARS!

Either way, DECISIONS have to be made. Decisions to participate fully in the program, both physically and emotionally. Those clients who decide to be "all in" will see amazing results in the next ten weeks! I'm sure of it!

When I think about Tuesday, June 19th...Here are the things I am sure of:

MANY clients will reach their goal weight and be ready to move on to stabilization!

We will celebrate 20, 30, 40, 50, 60...and possibly 70 pounds weight losses!

NO one in the room will be thinking the same thoughts that they were thinking 10 weeks ago!

Medications will have been discontinued!

Life spans will have been increased!!

Confidence will be palatable!

Community spirit will be soaring!

Personal healing will have taken place!

And that's a partial list!

It's funny, ten weeks doesn't seem like a very long time, but MAJOR things happen in a ten week period when you make a decision and cut off any other possibility!


I hope that all our "campers" will spend some time this weekend thinking about June 19th. The first step to any change is knowing what you want. So knowing what June 19th looks like for you is going to be very important!

I know what I want on June 19th. I want to be able to stand in front of this group of campers as we celebrate their GREAT accomplishments and say that I did my very best to inspire and motivate them to live their best lives! I want to look back and see that the education I brought forth was beneficial not just to my clients but to their families as well. I want to have given my ALL for this Spring Team Challenge! I want to be living out the very lessons I teach so that I can deliver them with conviction and power! That's what I want!

What do you want?

I will be spending the next 4 days mentally preparing for this "CAMP OUT". I hope you will too. Spend time looking ahead to June 19th. Visualize yourself at that Grand Finale feeling proud of what you've accomplished! It's going to be a life changing camp out for sure!

Always encouraging you,
Letha