We are looking at the six stages of CHANGE this summer at The Healthy Weigh. We are starting at the very beginning to fully understand what it takes to change permanently. Pre-contemplation is the very first stage although it doesn't seem like it has much to do with change at all. When you are in this stage, you're not think much about change. You're in denial about your problem.Experts like to call alcoholism the disease of denial. But this applies to most any problem: when we are mired in the pre-contemplation stage, it is denial that holds us there. If we are accused of doing something wrong, one of the ways we learn to avoid punishment is to deny responsibility. This is especially true if we take pleasure in our misbehavior. Another step we take is to admit, but justify our behavior, creating good reasons for our bad actions. This is one of the reasons we so often defend our right to defeat ourselves.
What is it that is appealing about the pre-contemplation stage that so many people struggle to stay in it? For one, it feels safe. You can't fail there. It frees you from the demand of time, you can change some other day...not now. It also frees you from guilt. If you can avoid thinking about bad habits, then how can you begin to feel guilty about them?
- Pre-contemplators wonder if help is even possible
- Pre-contemplators believe that even to think about change is to risk failing again
The thing I find fascinating about this pre-contemplation stage, is that people can be taking massive action regarding their specific problem, and still be in the pre-contemplation stage with no intentions of changing. Most of the time that is due to the pressure put on them by others. Spouses, Judges, employers, etc. Once the pressure is relieved, the destructive behavior returns.
Many times when we are in the pre-contemplation stage we will turn the source of our problem outward. Projection and displacing it toward something or someone else. This defense involves transferring the source or object of pain to anything other that our self. The best defense is a good offense, is the slogan of people who turn outward.
We can also turn our feelings inward, believing no that others caused us pain, but that we ourselves created the problem. By turning inward consistently and failing to express negative feelings appropriately, we begin to internalize, or "swallow" these feelings. The result is habitual self-accusation, self-blame, low self esteem, and sometimes depression.
Looking at, and understanding the stages of change, even the pre-contemplation stage, is important. Raising our consciousness is crucial to understanding ourselves and acknowledging our defenses. Becoming aware of a problem behavior remains the first step in changing it!
As a pre-contemplator, you can take advantage of people who care about you by letting them help you. Acknowledge that loves ones can see you as you cannot, and allow them to assist you to enter the cycle of change. Get involved in a social group that has like minded people who care. (The Healthy Weigh)
If you have identified your defenses, become open with yourself and others, and have found support through a group setting or loved ones, you are probably ready to move to the contemplation stage of change. There's great things ahead of you!
Until next week as we consider contemplation,
Always encouraging you,
Letha
